1) I am 21 years old.
2) I am going to college
3) I don't know how to drive
4) I live with my mother and two other sisters.
5) I am a fat person, so is my mother, but am 60 pounds bigger then her.
*Please continue to read, your doing good so far!
I don't have a cell phone, or a computer, I own 2 dollars in my name.
To get money I have to rub my mothers feet for a full hour to get 10 dollars. She ask me everyday to do so, but I say no knowing full well I need money...very soon or I won't make it to school this Tuesday.
I want to go job searching, but can't afford to pay my cell phone bill so even if I got lucky and they call.....my phone is off.
My mom calls me fat every single day and several times daily. It hurts me a lot. I wish I had a decent parent. My youngest sister is 3 years old. My mom feels I should be helpping her with the baby when all our life she told us not to have one unless we get with a great guy and she has one with a guy who abused her.
I cried on the bus today because am lost. I don't know how to fix my life. People say get a job...........I been searching for a year now and when I do find one something always happen....like my life is for a loser for example: I was hired at winn Dixie..........problem was I was in college with a strict teacher who said we can't miss more then two days of class, with winn dixie I had to see them five days in a row for training...something new they created. I rushed out of class and I was going to make it until the trian never showed up because someone killed themselves in front of one....the trian came many hours later.
I have so much to say, so many things are happening...never good.
What can I do?I need life advice: Please read, yes long, but I need serious help. What would you do if you were me?
Oh Dear! You are definitely in a bad situation!
On the good side - you are doing what you need to do to get out of it, by going to school. Keep up the good work! That truly is the only way you will be able to get a job that will pay you enough to get out of there and claim your own life.
You are wise to understand that your mother is not a good example and not a good and supportive parent. I can tell, that when the time comes, you will remember this and be a really good Mom to your own kids. But you really need some help to get there.
At 21, you are an adult. I don't know where you live and what agencies there are to assist you but here in Pennsylvania, we have a State Assistance Office, that helps with money for housing, food, transportation and education.
Look in your telephone book under Guide to Human Services (in mine, it's the blue pages).
Also, in the Guide to Human Services look for Counseling. There are usually counseling services like Catholic Charties, Christian Counseling, Open Door, etc., that will offer free services. Call them all and ask for help.
In the same Guide to Human Services there should be a heading like Protection from Abuse, Neglect or Exploitation. Usually we think of women being abused by men but you are being abused too, so call and ask them for help.
Call all those services and ask for help. Be strong and persistant. Tell them what you are trying to do for yourself and the difficulties you are encountering. If they can't help you, ask them if they can refer you to someone who can.
In looking for jobs, go to nursing homes, schools, hospitals etc. There are usually jobs for unskilled labor in kitchens and housekeeping departments that can be flexible around school hours or night shifts.
You really deserve a chance to make a better life for yourself. Please start making phone calls. Please keep doing what you're doing.
You are a worthy person, give yourself a hug for asking for help to get what you want. I'm sending you mental hugs.I need life advice: Please read, yes long, but I need serious help. What would you do if you were me?
The best thing you can do... is to pray to god and stay optimistic. my prayers are with you.
Okay, this may seem like crazy advice, but here it is:
Finish the semester. Then drop out of school. Go to work full time, save your money and move out of the house. Ignore everything your mother says and do it anyway.
Find a roommate. People advertise all over for someone to share the rent. You can find a place to live, and you can go to Goodwill or something to get the basic things you need to live on your own.
Take the train to Motor Vehicles. Get a learner's permit. Ask a friend to teach you to drive. Get a driver's license. Then you can get a better job. Save your money. Go to school at night.
You will be surprised how many things in your life will get better once you get away from your mother. You may even lose some weight.
I would talk to an aunt or friend of the family and ask them for a place to stay.
Or, if that is not an option, ask the employment office at your college about a work-study program where you could work at the library or admissions office in exchange for housing. They would be flexible about your class schedule and motivated to keep you as a student.
Either way, I would get out of that house. You can help with your baby sister by sitting and keep in touch by visiting, but it sounds as though your mother's hurting your feelings knowingly by calling you ';fat,'; and I think it's important to break from that. She's not likely to change while you're living there, in my opinion.
Also, look for free activities or book club-like groups you could join. You could use the friends and being a part of something, no matter how small, is something you can feel good about and look forward to.
Good luck.
Ok lets start from the top. You said you are in school.So I assume you have access to finacial aide. Thats what its there for to cover living and school expenses while attending school; also most schools have work studys. (On campus jobs) So go down to your finacial aide office.
2nd. Get a pre pay cell phone, They are cheap. My phone has unlimited night and weekend minutes and unlimited text messeges for 75 cents a day.(alltel) Day calls are 10 cent a min. So stay off it during day unless important. 22.50/mo.
Use the computers at school or a library. Its free and you probaly are paying a ';tech fee'; on your tuition for computers might as well use them.
3rd. Umm learn to drive. Its really not that hard.
4th You live with family. If you dont have to pay to live there consider yourself lucky most people your age don't. Great time to save money.
5th Suck it up on the job. McDonalds is alway hiring, also every town has assisted living, retirement homes, and group homes. Great jobs for students. Take whatever you can get just to put cash in your pocket.
If your fat then diet and excercise. Sorry you got to skip the double cheese burger and eat salads and skinless chix and whatnot. Go for a walk every night, Start slow but you start to see results after a while.
Go to the ';welfair office'; Depending on where you live. They can help you find a job, get you cheap medical, food stamps, and maybe some cash.
Bottom line. There is no magic fix. You have to start slow and just grind it out. What you do today will effect tomarrow. After awhile small things will snowball into big changes. Your in school. Believe it or not your suppose to be the broke college kid. Thats how it works. Thats why you go to school so you can land a decent job so you wont be broke forever living with your momma.
Best of luck
PS dropping out of school is the absolute worst idea. School is you ticket out. Its slow process but it pay huge dividends Quit think short term and think about the big picture.
wow.. okay
um.. get ur priotities in order, college is big, focus on that for a while, but still job hunt, u said ur ma is thicker too, so just tell her shes big, where did u get it from.. that would give her a nice guilt trip :D - then about when u get a job- tell that teacher your situation, no matter how much of a dbag she is she has to understand, and maybe cut u alittle slack.
Don't give up just because something is very difficult. You have to try harder. Put in a couple applications a week, and call when you are able, to check on the status of the applications once a week. You can find a job. But plan on applying to 10 more before you get one. Make sure some of the places you apply are on campus.
Ten dollars an hour to rub your mom's feet? That's not a bad wage when you're not working. If you wash her feet first or get her right out of the bath it will be less yucky for you.
I don't know where you live. If you are in the United States you can go to an unemployment center in your area and ask for job counseling. Explain your situation. They may help you with job training and transportation while you are in job training. After you get your job where you can earn money, then think about returning to school while you are working to earn a degree in a subject that you want to work in. Not all occupations need a degree.
It sounds over whelming, but it can be done. I have been there, and I eventually was able to graduate and work full-time in an occupation that I loved to work in.
Be patient, take baby steps to achieve your career goal. It can be done.
Well, perhaps you can volunteer at an organization somewhere, something to get you out of the house. Perhaps there is a program somewhere you can volunteer and possibly they will house you. Even if they don';t house you, you will get away from your mother during the day. Perhaps a religious organization. Be careful, some of these situations are abusive - be sure it is a reputable organization.
I don't know what is involved with joining the military. If you are overweight, what their physical requirements are. But if you apply for a non-combat position, perhaps there are no physical requirements.
I benefited greatly from therapy, I could recommend that, but you already said you don't want that.
You should diet sensibly and exercise, of course. Eat whole natural foods, not packaged foods. Fresh meat, fruit and vegetables. Walking is great exercise. It's safe and it's free.
Bless your heart....First of all loose some weight, it will make you feel better, I guess until you get out of the house you have to kiss your mothers a**. My mother did the same to me, I was a built is slave, she beat me so bad I ended up in the Drs. office a lot, until the school nurse put a stop to it by coming out to the house and talking to her. She was a Bit**. Sorry to say so does your mother. Your mother is an abusive person and she will keep it up until you move out, she knows she is going to lose her little slave before long so she will take advantage of it. If she is feeding you the foods to make you fat, be aware of it, keeping you overweight keeps her in control of you. As for the other kids, she had them she really needs to get off of her fat a** and take care of them. Sorry if I offend you for calling your mother names, but I visualize my fat a** mother in making me slave for her and me basically raising my 2 sibling. You can't of course say this to her but, this is what she should be doing and won't because she has you. Keep in mind loose weight, I know society looks at overweight people as overweight, not that you might have a lot of brains...this is sad. After this and keep up the grades, because it is for you, you will find a job, even if you have to ride a bike for awhile, (will also help you loose weight) If you can move out with any family members I would check into that too, who knows? Friends maybe? Go somewhere you can learn a computer, here our library and coffee shops have computers. If I were you and things did not change, I would join the service...............anything to get out of that house. Signed Julie
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